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Welcome To xlost_youthx! This is a community that you can come and pour your heart out, tell us all your problems and get advice on what to do if you’re left confused. And sometimes just telling people helps you deal with what’s going on a little better, and look no one here knows you, so therefore you don't have to worry about getting in trouble or someone thinking you need help. And if you don't really have anything going on you can give other advice and try to help them. :o)

Credit: Layout by Lithawitch & Lyrics by Garbage
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at 5:57pm]


Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

Missed me Missed me..... [Tuesday
at 1:23am]

Hey.....haven't been here in a loooong time.....I haven't been on Lj period for a while.....but I'm trying to change that....Alot has changed since the last time I updated...i have a boyfriend..and i'm for the most part happy! I don get pissed off sometimes by him...(like right now at this very moment)...but I'm pretty beyond positive I'm in love.....i know..I sound all stupid and sappy...and most times I think to myself...."A year ago...I would be absolutely digusted with myself..."....but here I am...giddy and girly and....yea...ya'll get it...hahaha....

I've also for the most part stopped cutting....well..i haven't in over six months...I want to sooooooo badly sometimes....i find myself finding some of the various blades I've hidden in my room and just want to have a field day on my wrists...but I can't..I promised people I wouldn't...(what was I thinking???)..Like right now..I want to...so badly..but I can't...it's frustrating.....I cry alot more than I ever did when I was cutting..I don't know what else to do....

Except these two themes......

.....Now You've Gotta Kiss MeCollapse )
Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 2:16pm]

I am stressing out so much. I hate being afraid. It takes so much out of me...

I need something that'll take my mind of things. Off this. Off life. Off him. God I hate being so fucking paranoid! But I suppose it is what's kept me alive this long.

I just don't want to deal with any more shit today.

God I am tweaking out so much.

If you wanna know why, it's in my journal.
6 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 8:08pm]

So I wore an orange shirt, orange shoes, and orange make-up. My orange shirt was old navy... so I took my orange DUCT TAPE and wrote
Self Injury Awareness Day
Operation Orange
on it... and other people wanted some.... erm I think 7 people were walking around with the duct tape thing on. And teachers and friends and other people kept asking me about it. I felt so proud to have an answer to every single question.

and to steph: happy SI awareness day, your first one... too bad you had to take a personal day to miss it with me. I love you dearly, I dun think I've said it in a nonjoking way, but I do. And I'm glad that we've become really good friends. I know that I'll never stop being your good friend. Don't Worry, Be Happy! love ya!!!!

today started off not-so-great but now I'm just completely happy. I'm in love with this period in my life even if sometimes I slip. Thank Cory!!!!!  This is turning out to be a WAY BETTER year than last year.


Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 12:58am]


maybe some of you wont appreciate this... im sorry if you dont.
Given the chance to be extra mooshy for one day is like heaven to me.
Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 9:51pm]

SurveyCollapse )
Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 2:36pm]



surveyCollapse )

Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

survay and pictures [Thursday
at 2:23pm]

[ mood | confused ]

Survay And PICTURESCollapse )

5 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 11:44am]

[ mood | accomplished ]

I think I'm ready to let go.
I honestly mean it this time. No more cutting, no more.
Today is 2 months without cutting. And I know I can make it much longer.
I can't believe I've made it... I'm better. And I didn't need god damn medication or a shrink. I didn't need a trip to the hospital. I didn't need any of it. I'm so proud of myself. I hope that all of you can be proud of me too.
Somehow I made it. This last year has been hell.... because I made it that way. But I think I needed it. I needed to think about my past constantly because that's the only way I would come to terms with it.
I am a musician. I am a lover. I am a friend. I am a poet. I am a girlfriend. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a best friend. I am a student. I am fat. I am bisexual. I am outspoken. I am outgoing. I am a rape survivor. I am happy. I am Melissa. I am me and I am loved.
I was a self mutilator. I was depressed. I was abused. I was molested. I was sad. I was dependent. I was left alone. I was... I was... but I'm not anymore.
And now I can't stop smiling. Everything in my past are just memories. They will not hurt me anymore. I've cried over them too much. You need to spend some time on those memories and events... because I believe that is the only way you are going to get over it. I've made it! I've made it! I never thought I would.... but I did. I can do anything!!!

9 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 7:38pm]

:o THEMECollapse )
Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

mod post//membership revoking [Sunday
at 10:22pm]

the following people have had their membership revoked for lack of applications, you are more than welcome to rejoin, but please fill out an application this time, oh, and if you have already applied and i'm just being a dumbass, tell me so i can sort it out.

2 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 6:23pm]

hey everyone

quick question for the mods

i'm a member as lifeorlikeit
and now i have a new journal, do i have to re-apply?

new journal : herhypnoticgaze

<3 b.
1 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

varsity swim team.....????maybe.....=) [Thursday
at 7:52pm]

So i had late practice today. It's like the varsity practice, and you'll never believe what my coach says to me. Im picking up my stuff getting ready to shower, and he's like "could you keep up", i natuarally said "yeah but im not gunna lie it's harder than i thought, but i kept up pretty good." So he says the best thing ever. "I would really like you to consider coming to this practice more often if you can keep up." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This means im like half an inch away from varsity!!!!!!!! w00t!!!! Im so excited, yet very very sore. lol.

Other than that things are still things. I still feel kinda bad about everything, but i can't help that much. But im trying. That's something.

Happy Birthday Adam!!!!!!!! w00t yay for being old. lol.

Ok so stupid moment of the year.....I was talking with my mom last night and she was like
"whaddya wanna do next weekend??"
i said, "I don't care", "Well its up to you what you wanna do",
"Why's it up to me??? It's never been before",
"Cause its your birthday"
"oooooohhhhh yeah!"
Stupid moment of the year. Go me! Yes i forgot my birthday. It's next weekend on the 11th. Im such an idiot.

Yeah thats my life pretty much....go me!
3 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 4:26pm]

[ mood | infuriated ]

Ok, so the other day I was being interviewed about being a cutter. I've been clean for a month so she thought it was ok. Well when we were talking she asked if I thought cutting leads to suicide. I said that in some cases it doesn't but a lot of us are either too scared to kill ourselves or we want to live. And she said "yes, you see, I've always thought that people who cut themselves are the ones who want to live the most. They cut to take away pain, so they can live life happy." I dunno why, but it just kind of stuck in my mind. She's comepletely right, in my opinion. I wanted to know all of yours.


4 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 11:14am]

Ok my dad is slamming things around the kitchen, breaking things and yelling and screaming.....why.....because of eggs. He couldn't cook the eggs right, god forbid, so now hes being a pissy little bitch. Its gunna be a fine day folks. With last night and this....its gunna be one fucking hell of a day.
1 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 9:16pm]

[ mood | pissed off and attacked ]

Ok so i mention in a chat with my friends that i like to have fun and then worry about consequences later, which is mostly how i live, not always but mostly. So i mention this, and then i get attacked. Like they start jumping down my throat about what a stupid way to live and stuf that is and how fucked up that is and how stupid i am for living that way. WTF i just mentioned it, that gives no one the right to attack me for it. Especially when they don't have the best ways of living there lives either. And while i may not agree with some of the stuff they do, i DO NOT jump down their throats for it. I would expect the same respect from them. But obviously i am very wrong in my assumptions and with the way i think. But that gives them no right to bitch at me for it. Not cool guys.

And people wonder why i bitch and why i tend to stick to myself, and not hang out with people. WAKE UP FUCKERS thats ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ why.

Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 4:30pm]

Ok so i didnt do much today. I went the the basketball hall of fame and then to the UMASS game, it was ok considering i dont like basketball. The hall of fame was cool. But i was just very very bored. eh oh well.

I gotta do homework this weekend. Kinda sucks, oh well keeps me busy.

I've found that music can help calm any situation i find myself in. I think i've listened to so much music this weekend its insane. Keeps me from going insane though so it works.

Cut last night. Like 13 times. 5 on my hip, 7 on my arm. I could barely sleep, kinda sucks. Although that could be because i took my moms uppers. I dunno you tell me.

I miss him, is that normal. I kinda miss what we had, but i cant get back together with him, i wont put myself through that again. ....Still....i miss him. Seriously is that normal???
Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 5:20pm]

Ok so i had the football game today. It wasnt that bad. It was just so flippin cold. Gah if it could snow in 80 degree weather that would be awesome. mmmm vanilla chai made it all better. :)

Ok so apparently stuff is still being said about me, but ya know what i dont even fucking care at this point. It's no ones buisness but my own. And i DO NOT need to defend my decision of breaking up with dave to anyone. SO people should just stop butting their noses in places it doesn't belong. Cause at this point im just saying that if your gunna be caddy and shit, then i personally dont want to be ya'lls friend. Whatever. Im done with it.

Blah. SO happy thanksgiving. I loath holidays, but this one hasn't been that bad. So we'll see. Happy turkey day everyone who still cares enough not to talk shit.
1 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

I'M BACK!!! [Thursday
at 10:26am]

HEY!! D'ya miss me?

I'm back...my mom finally decided I had suffered enough. sooo......yea...I'll try to get back into the habit of doing themes and such....ok....done....I think.....yea.....I am...

Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

at 1:09pm]

Does anyone know where i can get some cool icons? Like SI ones ore even regular ones? Much help is appreciated.
1 | Hey Baby, Can You Bleed Like Me?

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